I think I can, I think I can

I see the trend that I am gonna' be blogging a day behind events. I am too tired at the end of the day to get it all out on the computer and it seems after a day's done... I just want to go to bed. Yesterday I was pretty on track. I made a juice for breakfast and lunch... I wanted to go out for lunch with my partner, but he was not available - so I stuck to plan. I am so easy to sway... if I put it out there that I want to be naughty, I have the perfect enabler ready and willing to take the reins and drive my wagon. When I got home, I had some grapefruit... not exactly on plan - I am not supposed to let anything solid pass my lips - but not exactly a snickers bar... either. I am gonna take it as a successful day. I also suffered for having no caffeine for two days straight. My reasoning for not making coffee yesterday was not because I was still stomach sick... but because I woke up late and did not have time to juice AND make coffee. This morning I decided regardless of plan... I am making or buying coffee in the morning; maybe not the 20-30 ounces I am used to, I may cut back, but I need caffeine... I am addicted, there's that.

Oh, I forgot to mention; my partner went out last night by himself to dinner.....we eat out... a lot...like lunch and dinner, everyday. One of the effects of this fast is I am freezing ALWAYS. I thought at first it was due to my work... I work outside and duh, it's Winter. But I am cold for hours after I get home....like bone chilling, can't get warm, hot tub is calling me COLD. So last night I was bundled in bed and my partner decides (at my bed time) that he's hungry. I was all "have fun with that, I am not leaving my bed" So, he went out for a few hours and did our typical three beers plus dinner at Applebees and I stayed home and was good! It was no fun... but all that fun is what contributed to my weight gain over the last few years; the fun has to end sometime. So, this morning, I got up in plenty of time to make coffee AND juice for breakfast and lunch and as of the writing of this, at thirty minutes past my bed time (10:00pm) I have not had anything else today to eat or drink and I feel fine. I really need to figure out how to get more water into my system.... my breath stinks and my teeth feel fuzzy and I brush them two times a day, now. I am pretty sure from what all I have read I am burning ketones.... I am not sure how that's possible when chicken marsala's been involved... but there it is. So, tomorrow's my Sunday Brunch day... my champagne, roast beef, pesto noodle and rib brunch routine. We'll see how that goes; I may skip it or I may give in... I am not typically one for skipping brunch.

The Agony of Defeat

I broke down and got the chicken marsala from turtles last night; it was too easy. I looked at my partner and said, "wanna go to Turtles... my treat." Needless to say half an hour later we were munching on our dinner salads. Damn. I was doing so good, too. Ah well. Some lessons were learned... 1. Honor Your Cravings: If I hadn't gotten that damn chicken marsala into my belly I would have become a lunatic. No detox or weight loss is worth being strung out and crazy. 2. What comes around, goes around: I was sooooo sick after dinner... a couple of times through the night and even this morning until about noon. I was seriously thinking about calling sick to work, but they would have killed me; so I made sure I hit the bathroom when I needed to (which lucky for me seemed to settle down around noon) and reminded myself every bathroom visit that I did this shit to myself, now the shit's coming back at me. :) I made a juice for breakfast and lunch, and got back on plan until I got home. I work outside and I was freezing when I got home so I made some tomato soup and a grilled cheese. I am gonna keep juicing and eat (moderately) when I feel the need. Life is too short to be feeling deprived; but honestly, this fast doesn't leave you feeling hungry... it's the mind that has to be set right. I am gonna get back on track tomorrow... I am not resetting the start date.... this plan is gonna be fraught with potholes and road blocks... I will encounter them and go around or through them (kinda' like life).

we interupt the juice blog to discuss reciprosity of concealed gun laws

Just a quick tidbit.... looks likes the bill will go to the Senate to legalize concealed weapons permits from one state to another. It sucks for me to be concerned about my gun when I travel to another state (I am licensed to carry in Oregon)and making it legal for me to travel by car with some sense of security and a blessing from the local law enforcement will make my life easier. Whoo Hoo on reciprocity for CCW permits.

How can purple not taste good?

I have been up for an hour and made a pot of coffee but haven't even had any (or felt like having any) WTH? I got up.... asked my partner if he wanted coffee - stupid question, right? And he said "are you gonna have any?" I said "I refuse to deprive myself of coffee for a veggie juice fast!" So, I made a pot of coffee... made my juice, made his toast (coffee and toast in the morning is my routine) and only had the juice. Holy Shit.... the coffee hasn't called me yet; my vegan girlfriend is gonna fall over with pride!

I dunno if lack of desire for caffeine is a side effect of juicing, but I stayed up till 1:00am last night - which anyone who knows me will tell you that is UNHEARD of for me, and I got up at 8:00 feeling great. My partner's drinking his coffee right now, and it smells so good but I am still working on my juice and super happy with that.

Last night I was craving Turtles' Chicken Marsala so bad. It's my "death meal" my "if I were on death row, what would I order for my final meal" meal. The wait staff at Turtles know it, too. I do not even get a menu anymore when I go there... they KNOW. Anyways, I was seriously plotting my boycott of my fast to get a chicken marsala today. Went to bed - survived the craving and am having my yummy cabbage beet juice. First "screw this fast" craving that I have overcome! But today I still really want it and I am not interested in being deprived. Come on, how could you not want this?

I am gonna try a fast.....

A fast car? A fast motorcycle? No, a juice fast. I know, "The Queen of Steak and Microbrews" going on a fast? It sounds like crazy talk, but there it is! I watched a documentary called Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead by Joe Cross on Netflix and I decided I could try to detox my system by juicing. I have lost about 30 pounds since my last post in May - nothing to get excited about; certainly not breaking any weight loss records, but it was effortless. It's not like I tried any specific plan... I just went out less and drank less...not a lot, just a little...less. There have been plenty of champagne brunches and ribs and steaks in the last six months (truth be told, over the last few years) so I have decided to detox - and if I lose a little weight too, so much the better! My daughter and I were involved in a pretty major car accident in September - and are just now getting back to a normal routine. I was nursing a sore knee, wrist and back for the last few weeks. Still not 100% and very tense and sore, so the whole treadmill/exercise thing has taken a huge backseat. So, back to this fast.... I started it on Saturday but of course, poor planning - I forgot about Sunday brunch (which I had been looking forward to all week) so I blew it on ribs, and champagne Sunday (damn) and restarted it yesterday. So, today is technically day two. The basic premise is you drink nothing but fruit and vegetable juice and water for 10, 15, 30 or even 60 days - whatever you're into, to detox your system. Let me preface straight away that I do not now, or anytime in the near future, plan on detoxing from caffeine! I gave up smoking and am prepared to fore-go my beloved champagne for a month, but there is no way in hell I am giving up my coffee! I don't want to and I don't care if there are purists out there who poo-poo my fast because I am still poisoning my system with caffeine. That being said, I bought a juicer and was challenged to start a blog about my journey to juicing. So, I vow to blog more than once a week. I can't promise to blog daily, I just don't have that much to say about it yet - but I will keep ya'll updated on my journey. So far...so good, nothing to eat (except an apple) since Sunday afternoon and I feel fine. I haven't really hit the "detox blahs" but I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that I still have a cup of coffee every day. I hear caffeine withdrawals suck, but I choose to not go through that... I just love the taste and effects of coffee and I am not planning on stopping the coffee ritual when the detox is over. This is not a lifestyle change for me although my vegan friends are so happy.... it's temporary, there is an end date and it is December 14th... maybe sooner if I catch a cow or pig anytime soon; I will let you know.

The Dead and Gone.

Wow...it's May 2011. Where did the time go? So much has happened in the last six months. My ex husband died from drowning in a freak accident while kayaking in the Grand Canyon in January of this year; I am really grateful to my boyfriend for supporting me at the celebration of life for my ex. It was a bizarre event I will be rehashing in my brain over and over for a long time. I have reflected on my relationship with my ex and speculated about my son's future without his father often in the last few months. They were really close...here's a picture of them taken about a month before the accident.



Life is too short to be miserable...that's all I have come up with; my mantra, if you will. It's gonna take a little time to get through this. My romantic relationship of the last three or four years has taken an unexpected turn; my boyfriend moved out of our home two days ago. This is one of my favorite pictures of us.



It's gonna take a little time to get through this, too. He asked me out for coffee this morning and I couldn't do it. A night of tears and tossing and nightmares does not make for good company. I took a shower, went and got a hair cut and forced myself to the grocery store and got a text asking for a lunch date from him and had to acquiesce; it was one o'clock in the afternoon and I hadn't eaten all day - a girl's gotta' eat, right? It was miserable, I do not know what I was thinking. I couldn't stop crying the whole friggin' time.

So, here I am just realizing that I stopped blogging somewhere between being happy and living life, and the 180º of deaths of loved ones and being miserable. There's still plenty of drama with work (I will NOT be discussing work on this blog, and if I start, you be sure to send me an email sayin "knock it off") but there will be plenty reporting of events, and who knows...one or two happy ones might slip in here and there. I am going to a weight loss support group meeting tonight, I have gained too much weight going out to dinner every night and drinking micro brews most nights with my boyfriend... hmmmm, ex-boyfriend. The "loose your boyfriend weight loss" plan was not the one I would have signed myself up for, but there it is. I am walking almost a mile (up and back total, don't get happy, people) to attend the meeting - Lord have mercy on my soles. One final picture to end today's blog. This is my dog, the one who fired me immediately upon meeting my boyfriend. He looks like I feel; this picture is so sad, I cried when I took it cause he watched my boyfriend move out and sat in this window for a good half hours afterwards. The least he could have done when he left was taken his dog who loved him more than life itself.

Not much has changed over the year....

I was cleaning up my blog and purging old posts and after reading through the past year's worth of posts decided that I get a "do over." I am famous for saying everyone's entitled to one, so here's mine. I just deleted the past year of blogs...shakie, shakie, shakie of the blog like an etch-o-sketch and the last crappy year is gone (wish it were that easy in real life).

So, another year is come and gone, good riddance says I; let's see what this next one brings, shall we?